Early Morning Life

When you aren’t a morning person, getting up at 3 am is ROUGH. And getting up at 3am is even harder when you’re going to work and not to do something fun! But, it does allow for me to blog the random thoughts, which I know you enjoy SO much! (She said to the no one reading her blog lol)

So, I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but Matt is in the Navy Reserves. He recently found a deployment he was interesting in going on. Which is great for him! He was so excited about it. But as any military girlfriend can probably tell you, while I’m happy for him… This massively sucks for me.

If Matt were to get this deployment he would be gone for a year. We are still in a relatively new relations ship. Where does that leave us? But with it being a newer relationship (about 3 months) it feels needy and annoying for me to ask him. “But what about me? What about us?” Just all sounds so needy and clingy, and frankly rather childish. He wants me to keep his dog, so that would imply that we would still be together or what not. And please, don’t get me wrong, there is no way in Hell that I will let him deploy for a year without knowing the answers to these questions.

For one amazing moment I thought that I wouldn’t have to worry about it at all. Matt got an email saying that he wouldn’t be going on this deployment. They explained why, and he was ok with it all. Matt decided to make the transition from reserves to active. He talked with me at some length about why this would be such a good move, not just for him, but for us. It makes me nervous, just because he could get stationed far away. But with what he does in the Navy it seems likely he would stay local. (We have a high Navy population.)

But alas, the next day he received an email stating that he WOULD be going out on the aformentioned deployment. He basically called his cheif and said, “Hey, I recieved an email saying ___________________________, and that I wouldn’t be going. Just wanted to clarify which was correct because I also summited paper work to go back to Active duty. I was just wondering which one it would be.” Basically his commanding officer said “Well, see which one you get first and that’s the one you’ll do.”

GGGGGGGgggggggrrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaatttttttt. Thanks a lot for that incredibly vauge answer. I’ll go ahead and continue to plan my life on this shifting sand.

I know that none of this is news to anyone who has dated military before. But I have gone out of my way to never put myself in this situation. I don’t date people in the military because I need to know where my life is headed. I struggle to not know the plan. But here I am, falling for this guy, who’s life is so uncertain. Honestly, had I realized he was even in the reserves I’m not sure if I ever would have dated him. It’s just not conducive to my lifestyle. I have a large dog, 2 cats, and 5 horses to think about and move around with me. I have to find places that allow the animals and somewhere for the horses to live every time I move. Harder than you might think.

I never meant to put myself in this situation. Yet, here I am.

Any words of wisdom? How do you all cope with your significant other being gone for long stretches of time? How do you handle being uprooted from time to time? I am so new to all of this, and it can be overwhelming….


Early Morning Struggles

Let’s get something straight right now. I am not a morning person. Getting up hours before the sun comes up is not fun for me. Yet, this morning, like several mornings last week, I was up at 3 am to go to work. Isn’t that fun? (No is the truthful answer.)

Two things occured yesterday to make all of this even more fun.

1- My guy came home. I don’t really know what else to call him. He isn’t actually my boyfriend… But we’re spending a whole lot of time just seeing each other… Well, WHATEVER he is, he came home. Sorry, Matthew. Matthew came home yesterday. He drives trucks for a company, mostly long hauls and he is in the Navy Reserves. I love it when he comes home, because I don’t get a lot of time with him.

2- My parents came home from their Florida home for a week.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but our house is under a massive renovations. I’m not talking about a crazy HGTV style reno. But nevertheless our home is in a massive state of chaos. My bedroom is under construction, as is my bathroom. Everything I own is scattered all over the house in boxes. With my parents home, Matthew and I ended up sleeping in his horse trailer. Luckily his trailer has amazing living quarters, so we were very comfortable. But still. Having him there made it hard to drag myself out of bed. It’s definitely a struggle to get out of bed… snuggly boy and my snuggly dog. But alas, I now find myself at work. 7 hours into my work day and it isn’t even 10am yet. CRAZY.

There isn’t anything nearly as awesome as being on your own for a month, just to have your parents come home and tell you how everything you do is wrong. IT’S THE BEST! But, it’s life. Especially life of a nearly 30 year old living with her parents. This is entirely self inflicted- haha.


This is Bee

As I mentioned in my first post, everything you find here will be true. The only thing that will be changed are names to protect my friends and loved ones. So, without furtherĀ ado…

My “name” is Bee. I’m quickly approaching my 30th birthday, which TV (espeically the show “Friends”) has lead me to believe that I should be approaching a meltdown or a freak out. But despite the questionable status of my life, I seem to be standing firmly on my own two feet, without a freak out in sight. So, here’s to hoping that I stay completely stable, or perhaps I should say “stable”, for the next few months and buck the odds.

At any rate, I’m almost 30. And like a lot of people in my generation I have made that most embarrassing of life journeys… Back home to live with my parents, in my childhood bedroom, after my divorce. Honestly, it should probably bother me much more than it does. But the truth is, it just doesn’t bother me that much. If anything I feel lucky and grateful.

After my seperation I was running low on money and my family was going through some termoil (which I’ll get into later). After a long talk with my parents it was decided that I would make the journey back to my childhood home to stay with them. Not just me though, I came with a 4 year old Weimaraner, a 6 year old tabby cat, and 6 horses! I honestly think my parents were bitting off more than they had planned for!

I won’t pretend there haven’t been some awkward times. But in the end, this was definitely the right choice for me.

Earlier this year my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. This was later specified as Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Then it was also found in her lymph nodes. And lastly it was found in her Liver. I have been so lucky to spend this last year at home with my parents. I am lucky to have them both in my life each and every day (though sometimes I forget this). To complicate our lives further, my mother, age 59, has been diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Our good days with her are numbered. So I am blessed to spend those days with her, which yes… I struggle to remember when I’m being yelled about something ridiculous (examples to come, and trust me they can be interesting…) but nevertheless, I am so lucky.

Anyway, I am Bee. This is my life. Welcome.


Welcome to the Truth

For those who don’t live in the South East, you may have missed our “massive” snow storm last weekend. Don’t get too excited people, it was only about 6 inches… But for the South East, that equals complete mayhem. So, while I was camped out in my home, hiding from the nasty frezzing cold tempetures, and the icky snow… I proceeded to binge watch tv shows like it was my job.

This binge watching covered a broad spectrum of shows, everything from Downton Abbey to MTV’s Catfish, not to mention a lot of things inbetween. I’m well into season 4 for both shows. (Stop laughing anyone who lives North of us, yes we are completely aware that 6 inches of snow for you all wouldn’t even be likely to cause delays. For the South East…. our entire lives shut down for about a week.) At any rate, I began to wonder what it is about the world that makes us all so fearful to share who we are. Why can’t we just be honest with one another?

I’m no stranger to the desire to be someone else. Over the years I have wanted to be anyone else for most of my life. I was severly bullied, back before bullying was really a thing. I was geeky before it was cool, I was a Harry Potter nerd before most people even knew who Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Snape, or Lord Voldemorte were. I was about as unpopular as a person could be. My own brother told people he was an only child and that I didn’t exist.

Naturally all of this made me retreat even more into my world of books.

As an adult, I am an aspiring author, I find myself living in the world of my characters rather than living my own life.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to go about this… Sadly, to protect the innocent (my friends, family and loved ones) I will be changing names, including my own. But other than names, my goal is to remain true to the world around me. I promise you that everything I write will be true, the only thing that will be altered are names of those around me!

Ready to kick this off? Me too. Let’s see how it goes!